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Emotional Factors

An essential ingredient to successful retirement living is the cultivation of a network of friends, groups, and family members. Few individuals choose to be isolated from the rest of society even though 44 percent of women and 19 percent of men aged 65 or older lived alone or with non-relatives in 1992.

More than 75 percent of older men but only 41 percent of older women were married in 1992. Almost half of women aged 65 or older were widows. Many of the older married couples are in second or subsequent marriages due to divorce or widowhood.

Even though nearly half of today's marriages end in divorce, the half that succeed often last for 50 or more years. Recent research on long term marriages reveal these keys to success:

The husband and wife believe that being a couple makes them happier.
They allow each other to have outside friendships and activities without jealousy.
They share power in decision-making.
They take pride in each other's activities.
They accept there will be differences and negotiate the conflicts.
They view personal change as good rather than a threat to the relationship.
They do not assume that life has to be rosy all the time.
They do not seek to become exactly alike.

Married couples tend to become mutual caregivers as disability and infirmity increase with advanced age. They are increasingly motivated to work harder to preserve independent living and avoid institutionalization. Involuntary separation is difficult when one must receive nursing home care while the other is home alone.

Research highlighted the importance of strengthening family and social ties for individuals who live alone. They are urged to:

Reach out by helping others; this helps the person's self-esteem.
Not to expect family members to satisfy all social needs.
Visit or call someone who is alone, especially on holidays.
Make needs known to others. They might help.
Take pleasure in plants and pets.
Nurture relationships. Actively make new friends of different ages.

One of later life's greatest satisfactions is the experience of enduring relationships with adult children and grandchildren. There is a sense of pride and accomplishment in watching one's offspring develop and mature into adulthood.

Parents for the first twenty or so years invest tremendously in the stake of their children. The degree to which parents gradually "let go" of each child defines parent-adult child relationships for the future. If parents try to control their children's' families or if they cut themselves completely out of their lives, each generation may be deprived of family ties necessary for good psychological health.

Each generation and its offspring needs to communicate and negotiate on an ongoing basis from the standpoint of mutual trust and equality.

Enduring friendships are a vital part of social functioning. In many ways they are more significant than family connections because friends are chosen. They can share all emotions, sorrow as well as happiness. Their essence is that of a peer or equal. A good strategy is to make new friends of different ages and belong to social groups and organizations that persist into the retirement years.